Abdul the Indian wife beater, Headbuts his wife at 7.30 pm every night... on the dot !
Women constantly carry on about they can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship but we all know us men are the real heros, we can fake a relationship for the sake of a shag.
My young nephew asked me how babies were made. I had no idea how to answer the question so i looked online and found a video clip that explains it all. I told him at the end of the video "it's basically just like that, only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny".
The other night my gramdma walked in my bedroom and caught me wanking, she was so shocked she had a stroke!!. Suprisingly soft hands for a pensioner!.
I went to the pub wiv my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedo" just because im 50 and my girlfriend is 21.It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary!
A man decides to have a penis extension. The Doctor suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. Six weeks later while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels a stirring in his pants & thinks 'This is the night!' While chatting over dinner his cock suddenly flys out from under the table, steals some fruit off the table & goes back under. 'Wow!' she said, 'Can you do that again?' He says 'My cock can but i don't think my arse could take another apple.'
A young gypsy girl is preparing for her wedding and her mother gives her a final bit of advice, "Emerald you do know tomorrow night is your honeymoon night and your husband is gonna want to stick his most prized possession into where you piss?" She replies, "Don't talk so daft ma, how the fuck's he gonna fit his Transit van in our sink?