Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

If you have time in your life for non BTB things heres the place to talk about them.

Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby guzzlingformaldehyde » Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:11 pm

I've tried to help childless couples by making anonymous donations of my sperm.


However, I've now been told I should really be doing this through a clinic and not straight through their letterboxes.
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby guzzlingformaldehyde » Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:48 pm

"The dog has had a shit on the stairs and somebody has trod in it!" shouted my wife."It was me," I replied."And you didn't even think about cleaning it up?" she continued."Give me a fucking chance," I replied. "I've not even wiped my arse yet."
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby J4NDT » Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:28 am

This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral...

A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate
funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life...

A huge heart.... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the
eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then
closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, 'I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own
funeral...I'm a gynaecologist!'

The priest fainted!
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby winnie » Thu Mar 29, 2012 8:49 am

I was having a piss in the swimming pool today and the pool attendant saw me the bastard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby winnie » Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:58 pm

The only way for a couple to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the flat was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks as if the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're shagging?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby guzzlingformaldehyde » Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:11 pm

As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.

"That's typical," I thought. "The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a fucking nutcase."
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby guzzlingformaldehyde » Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:41 pm

My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby winnie » Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:55 pm

I've accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces. My next shit could spell trouble.
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby guzzlingformaldehyde » Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:58 pm

I met a girl in the bar. "How old are you?" I asked."Sure, ask a more personal question, why don't you?" she said sarcastically."Okay," I replied. "Do you do anal?"
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Re: Oh go on tell us your Bad taste jokes...

Postby Shaun » Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:25 am

Abdul the Indian wife beater, Headbuts his wife at 7.30 pm every night... on the dot !

Women constantly carry on about they can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship but we all know us men are the real heros, we can fake a relationship for the sake of a shag.

My young nephew asked me how babies were made. I had no idea how to answer the question so i looked online and found a video clip that explains it all. I told him at the end of the video "it's basically just like that, only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny".

The other night my gramdma walked in my bedroom and caught me wanking, she was so shocked she had a stroke!!. Suprisingly soft hands for a pensioner!.

I went to the pub wiv my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedo" just because im 50 and my girlfriend is 21.It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary!

A man decides to have a penis extension. The Doctor suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000. The man agrees. Six weeks later while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels a stirring in his pants & thinks 'This is the night!' While chatting over dinner his cock suddenly flys out from under the table, steals some fruit off the table & goes back under. 'Wow!' she said, 'Can you do that again?' He says 'My cock can but i don't think my arse could take another apple.'

A young gypsy girl is preparing for her wedding and her mother gives her a final bit of advice, "Emerald you do know tomorrow night is your honeymoon night and your husband is gonna want to stick his most prized possession into where you piss?" She replies, "Don't talk so daft ma, how the fuck's he gonna fit his Transit van in our sink?
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